Check out the first post of the blog to read part 1! Also, check out The Crazy Girl that Came Out of Nowhere Parts 1 and 2!
I saw an opportunity to grow more and I took it. Looking back at the good old days I can feel tears going down my cheek. We were great together but I feel like we lost ourselves in being together. It was driving me insane how our projects were pulling us apart and we felt bad about it. We should have been happy for each other but all we could feel was the sadness of not seeing each other. There was so much for both of us in the world and we were not living it. We tried but it was exhausting. I know we both love what we do and we wanted to be with each other. There is a point where we had to choose and I choose to be me.
Five months later
I am standing outside the post office. The envelope is glued to my fingers. I just left with it in my hand again. I want to talk to him again. I know I did things the wrong way but I just want to know about him. I can call him but I know I will lose my voice the moment he picks up the phone. Maybe just maybe I need to let go. If we were meant to be we will find each other again, right?
Two years later
I have taken control of my life and I feel secure to say I have made some of my dreams come true. I ended up being a forensic scientist. After working for magazines and newspapers I choose to change my path a little more to the medical side. I am a creative person but sometimes I can be a way too antisocial. I am checking a corpse of a guy whose date of birth is the same as his. I freeze at that moment. I remember his voice and the way he got me cake for my birthdays. They were always different and with a beautiful décor on top. I will never regret leaving but I can’t say I miss him. During my lunch time, I start to stalk him on social media. He is the most reserved person I have ever known. I really do not know why I can’t push my memories away like I did before. I take my phone out and go to google photos. I have an album with the pictures we had. There is one that I love. We were in a restaurant and he started to tell me we should travel together but we didn’t have money for it. Now I have the money and I am sure he has it too. I read all the emails he got for offers of jobs and he declined. I know we wanted to be together but not at the cost of our careers. I grab a napkin and write, “Want to travel to Hawaii with me? Yes, No.” I grab an envelope from the office and run to the mailbox outside the hospital. I look at the envelope making sure I wrote my address on it. Today I am glad that I live miles and miles away from him. I would just have arrived at his house. Since I moved to Phoenix I felt relieved to know I will never see him on the streets.
I keep checking my mail every day and I haven’t seen a letter from Chicago. I have to admit that broke my heart. I think it is clear he has moved on and probably what I am doing is just nonsense. Wait one second did I get the right address? Maybe he moved and that is why I haven’t gotten an answer. “Hey, Eliza quick question is ——- still living in the same address you gave me the last time I asked?” Waiting for her to respond was the longest hour of my life. Meanwhile, I wait for all the thunder in my head to calm down. I choose to order Chinese food and just relax. Maybe a movie would take me to a happy place. “Ursula maybe you can start by saying Hi, How are you? You know all the nice stuff and then the question.” Eliza texted me. My poor heart almost died with that answer. “Well you know is just the way I am. Could you please be nice to tell me if he still lives there?” I wrote back feeling angry. “YES he does.” Eliza wrote. At the moment she said yes my brain decided to wait one more day. That was another stupid idea.
After two more days, I lost complete hope. I needed to understand he was never going to answer. This time I was actually looking for my credit card bill when I saw an envelope from Chicago. I just dropped everything from my hands and ran to my car to read the letter. I sat in my car opening it as fast as I could. “Hello, Ursula. I was surprised to see your message in my mailbox. I wish I could say I have a lot to tell you but I don’t. Instead, I have an answer and a question.” I was waiting for him to ask why I left? Anything related to why I took such a decision but when I saw the answer and the question a tear rolled down my check. There were two napkins. “NO”. The other napkin kills me. “Would you come to my wedding it is in a week and a half?” I just felt so sad but happy because he found love and someone better than me. I mean he is marrying this woman. I really want to say no but I know that I need to see him to close this part of my life. I grab another napkin and said. “YES! Congratulations!!!” I felt like shit.
Well, I need to be brave and face him. I open the door and see this completely different man. It was but it wasn’t him. We said we would never change but we did. This is when I knew I was right. “Ursula, how are you?” He said to me. “I am good thank you.” We sat in the café like we were two complete strangers. I had made a mistake by coming. It hurts to see the reality. He is not the guy I knew and I am not the dreamy girl anymore. I wanted to solve the past but there was no point in it. With every second I see him I feel worse.
I want this ugly moment of my life to have an end, please. He is now married to another woman and there is nothing I can do about it. I do not want to do anything. He is happy now and that is all I have to care about. I want to take my airplane back to my life and forget all this happened. The ceremony was like hell. The party was horrible. After one hour at that party, I felt sick. I grab my things and walk outside. “You are not saying bye again?” He asks. “You were busy; I didn’t want to interrupt you,” I say turning to the parking lot and seeing him. “I mean it will be nice to know when you are going to leave.” He was mad. I could see it in his eyes. “I have an airplane to take and a job to attend to tomorrow. It was a great wedding” I say trying to hide from his eyes. “I was not going to ask this but I think I deserve an answer. Why did you leave the way you did?” He asks me taking a seat on the sidewalk. “I did it because we needed it to grow and we knew it had to be in different ways. Your career was going to take you to another place and mine to the opposite side you took.” I say sitting next to him. “Why did you invite me to your wedding?” I ask not thinking about my question. “I wanted to see you one more time and ask you if you loved me. Did you?” He asks. “Yes, I did that is why I am here.” My voice is getting lower and lower. “We are moving to Moscow. My wife has a great job opportunity and living there is going to be a great experience.” There was a silence between the two of us. “Something I hated about you was that you took decisions alone. I guess you are better without me,” he says to me. I say nothing. I don’t know what to say. “I think I am because I still hate that you are not capable of including someone else on your plans. You could be surprised at how much things could have been different.” He stands up and walks away. “I think there will no more napkins now on Ursula.” He doesn’t turn back. I hope to never see him again.